YardGirl Creations

I just recently learned what “AITA” was. Now it’s my time to use it.

AITA because I’m not feeling Christmas at all this year?

Last year this time I was feeling hopeful and excited about starting my business in a new state. I’d just started vending and was somewhat successful.

This year instead of feeling excited about moving forward, or even feeling my normal fear of stagnation, I feel like I’m slowly moving backward. The movement is so slow it’s equivalent to watching the Earth rotate. It’s moving but you can’t feel it.

I’m aware of how dramatic that sounds but the truth shall set us all free.

I am making tiny strides, but even potential projects that involve other people seem to be moving at the same snail’s pace. Are they also feeling the same?

“The Holidays” don’t seem like the holidays. I was blessed to see my son for Thanksgiving but that was because I had a medical procedure.

I made a few gifts but most were made early in the year so I didn’t feel the normal rush to get Christmas projects done. This was actually a good thing but it left a nagging feeling that I’m forgetting people.

When I look around, many of my neighbors still have Halloween decorations up. Some have a mash-up of Halloween and Christmas like they couldn’t be bothered to take the first set down.

I’d started working on a few Christmas items to make for sale but lost interest. I’ve boxed them up to start back up next year.

Everyday I have a plan of things to do and I’m satisfied if even one thing gets done.

Is it the weather? It’s freezing outside and I’ve been lucky not to have to spend too much time out there so far.

When I do go out I feel so sad because there are so many unhoused people who are not as blessed as I am to have a comfy warm place to lay their heads. I am very aware of my blessing but a blanket of fear covers me when I see these people. Am I next?

I’ve stopped watching the news. I just can’t take it.

The only thing I want to do is work on my art. I zone out ripping papers and fabric and gluing them down. Most of the time I don’t even have a plan.

This is why I haven’t posted on my YouTube Channel in a while.

I say art is saving me often because it’s true. If I didn’t feel compelled to pick up my art journal and work on a collage or experiment with different mediums I don’t know what I’d be doing right now.

For most artist these types of feelings would result in great works of art. Something that people would marvel over in the future making sense of these feelings.

The work I’m producing is not that. It won’t be celebrated or studied. But it does keep me sane.

Tonight I guess this blog post is serving as my journal. It’s past midnight and I am reflective and pensive with a numbness that I can’t explain.

I want to look forward to the Spring. My eyes need the color. My skin needs the sun’s warmth. Then I think, “What will this country or the world be like by Spring?”

I’ll be bracing and holding tight to my acrylics.